5 Traits Of Emotionally Immature People

Maturity and immaturity issues have a lot of myth. People do not allow being installed in a single box, or being assigned a single label. Each of us is a crucible in which different forms of consciousness intermingle. We are ignorant and wise, children and elderly, childish and conscientious. All at the same time,  although depending on the moment some characteristic stands out more than the rest.

Emotional immaturity could be defined as a condition in which people have not given up on childhood wishes or fantasies. Desires and fantasies that have to do with the world turning around itself, or that reality bends depending on what they want. Likewise, emotional maturity could be defined as a state of strength and temperance that leads to realistic and balanced performances.

More than by an abstract definition, maturity or immaturity is shown through behavioral traits. Here we make a list of five characteristics that are typical of emotionally immature people.

1. People who are self-centered

A good part of the maturation process in people consists of understanding that the world does not revolve around them. The baby doesn’t know. Therefore, he asks for food at 2 in the morning and does not care if it affects his parents’ sleep. As you get older, you learn to recognize that you don’t always get everything you want, and that other people and their needs also inhabit the universe.

Growing up implies getting out of the prison of the self. It means losing that illusion that surrounds the baby’s life: just ask for a need or desire to be satisfied. When little by little we give up that fantasy, we also become aware of a beautiful possibility: the adventure of exploring the universe of others. If all goes well, we learn to preserve the self and to achieve the you.

2. Difficulty making commitments

An unmistakable sign of immaturity in people is the difficulty in making commitments. It is difficult for the child to give up what he wants at the moment to achieve a greater long-term goal. If we give him a treat and we promise that if he does not eat it for a while we will give him another, the desire to eat the one he has in his hand will prevail.

With the maturation process, it is understood that sacrifices and restrictions are necessary to achieve achievements. And that committing to a goal, or to a person, is not a limitation of freedom, but a condition to project better and longer term.

3. Tendency to blame others

Children assume themselves as beings directed by others, who do not act at will. To a large extent they are, insofar as they are in a process of formation and insertion in culture. While they are young, they believe that error must lead to guilt. They do not care so much about the damage they did, but about the punishment or sanction that they may impose on them.

Growing up is getting out of that state of sweet irresponsibility. To mature is to understand that we are solely responsible for what we do or stop doing. Learn to recognize mistakes and learn new things from them. Know how to repair damage. Knowing how to ask for forgiveness.

4. Establish ties of dependency

For immature people, others are a means and not an end in themselves. Thus, as media that they are, in their view, they need them. They don’t need others because they want them, but they want them because they need them. Hence, they tend to build ties in which there are strong dependencies.

In order to establish links based on freedom, autonomy is required. However, immature people are not clear about the concept of autonomy. Sometimes they think that doing their will is autonomous behavior. But when it comes to assuming the consequences of actions, they need others to cushion, hide or lighten responsibility.

5. Irresponsibility in handling money

Impulsiveness is one of the most salient features of immature people. An impulsiveness that is expressed many times in the way they manage their resources, such as money.  Thus, in order to satisfy their desires, and satisfy them now, they have no problem buying what they do not need with the money they do not have.

Sometimes they embark on wild financial adventures. They do not objectively evaluate investments and find it difficult to project themselves in the medium and long term. That is why it is common for them to live in debt, all to satisfy whims.

All these traits of immaturity do not arise or are maintained by conscious decision of the people. They are almost always due to voids or cracks during rearing. They can also be a consequence of unfortunate experiences that have prevented them from evolving. If you are like that, or you know someone like that, it is not about pointing out them. In fact, the important thing is to realize that promoting your own growth can lead you to a better life.

Main image courtesy of Catrin Welz-Stein