I Can’t Stand My Partner’s Family
“I can’t stand my partner’s family” is a frequent sentence. It is even probable that we too have experienced the sensation at some point with our in-laws. In this sense, we ask ourselves: do the relationships with the couple’s families of origin tend to be conflictive?
According to the CIS, 35% of Spaniards assure that their relationship with their in-laws is totally or quite satisfactory; only 1 in 100 rates the relationship as “unsatisfactory.” Therefore, according to this study, there would be a high percentage of people whose relationship with the in-laws is quite good.
However, this information provided by the CIS does not deny that there are conflictive relationships. In these cases, living with the in-laws can even become torture and a continuous battle, an untenable situation for those in the middle.
The conflict with the in-laws can affect the relationship, hence the question may arise: what can we do to prevent the problem from being transferred to the couple? Next, we explain some data to take into account.
Express what you feel
“Communicating discomfort and sharing concern, that is, giving voice to the problem through an assertive speech is one of the goals of therapy,” says psychologist María Teresa Mata Massó.
Therefore, expressing what we feel to our partner in reference to the in-laws is the first step to avoid affecting the relationship.
Try to put yourself in the place of your partner
His family is very important to your partner, just as yours is to you. For this reason, phrases such as “I can’t stand my partner’s family”, “I can’t stand my girlfriend’s parents”, “I wish I had another in-laws” can cause discomfort in the other person.
In this sense, being in the middle of a conflict between the couple and the family of origin in many cases is painful ; puts whoever is in the middle in an awkward and difficult position.
Set limits
According to Salvador Minuchin, families are systems that are in turn composed of differentiated subsystems : the couple, the couple and the children, if they exist, the parents of each member of the couple, the siblings, the respective grandparents, … among the most prominent subsystems.
The author affirms that it is essential to establish concrete limits in the family system, since, according to Minuchin and systemic psychology, each member of the family fulfills a certain role and when there are no limits the roles become diffuse, which enhances the possible evils relationships within the system.
Therefore, it is essential to establish clear limits, which cannot be exceeded in an attempt to maintain family harmony.
Your partner and you are a team
In line with the previous paragraph, just as it is important to establish limits with the rest of the family subsystems, it is essential to start from the concept of unity: the couple is a team, which makes decisions and reaches agreements about what is best for the family. system that they form, as Minuchin affirms.
In short, experiencing a conflictive relationship with the in-laws of the type “I can’t stand my partner’s family” can lead to confrontations with the partner that, if measures are not taken to address the situation, can become a serious problem. . For this reason, remember that there are psychology professionals who can help in this type of conflict.
