Let Whoever Plays To Lose You Win

Let the one who plays to lose you win by giving you a love with a taste of selfishness. Whoever plays to love you just to satisfy their emotional voids, allows them to also win that same prize: your goodbye. Because whoever plays with you does not deserve you, and if there is something that we should never lose on that board, it is dignity.

There is a very interesting book by neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller entitled “The New Science of the Adult Brain: How to Find a Mate” that explains something very revealing about this very topic. People’s brains are programmed to seek and receive support. We need emotional security in each of our ties, whether family, friendship or partner.

Now, despite the fact that many do not like the following term, at the neuronal level there is clear evidence: the human being is “emotionally dependent”. However, we must not see this dependence as a total and absolute anchor towards one or more people. We talk about our need to know that we are loved,

Building a relationship based on a game of forces where there is one who always wins, it hurts. At the same time, having a partner “addicted” to making promises that they do not keep or offering a love that is always interested, who first suffers is our brain: stress appears. It is an instinctive biological reaction that alerts us that something is wrong.

That scheme where we took for granted something as elementary as that who loves you respects you, who loves you offers you support, closeness and security has just been fragmented within us . If we do not feel this, but rather perceive it, we will immediately enter a cycle marked by mistrust, vulnerability and anxiety.

We suggest you delve into this topic.

Love as a system and play of forces

We all know that the success of a relationship depends on many factors, but one of them is undoubtedly the ability of both partners to give and receive support. If one of the two does not get involved or leaves the needs of the other in the background, the relationship will slowly drift.

Now, as curious as it may seem, these types of realities are not so easy to see. Sometimes, they play with us and we do not realize it, they use us as pawns on a board where there is an implacable king or queen who is devouring one by one, all our illusions, all our hopes and strengths. According to systems theory applied to the emotional field, this occurs due to very specific factors.

When two people come together in a relationship, something much bigger than its two members is created. It is a system, it is like a sphere full of complex dynamics that transcend us and where, in turn, we also confer on it some “too” ideal characteristics. We tell ourselves that this relationship is the final one, that it will be perfect and that together, we will grow as people as well as as a couple.

We maintain these types of beliefs and internal dialogue because. However, day by day that perfect system is clouded with small but relentless dynamics and serious attacks, such as contempt, disappointment, emotional blackmail …

Few people usually react to the first when seeing and feeling these first blows. The brain is programmed to resist change, and it will use inadequate reasoning such as “this is temporary”, “it will surely change”, “if it loves me it will realize that it is hurting me”.

However, the system that contains us weakens day by day until it collapses like a house of cards.

Who loves you, does not play with you: emotional immaturity and love as a game

In the book cited at the beginning of the neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller indicate that emotionally immature people are those who usually understand love as a game. They are profiles that react only to the novelty of the moment, to immediate gratification and the need to satisfy their own needs.

They will not hesitate to reach the Moon for you only if you offer them the Sun. They will make promises to you when they are happy and they will blame you for all their problems when they are frustrated. Now … why do we sometimes fall in love with people with this type of personality? There is no concrete reason

We must not be fooled. Love is not a game, and whoever plays to lose us, we must allow them to win, it is the best we can do. Because at the end of the day we too will be triumphant: we will have gained in dignity, self-esteem and courage.

We cannot forget that emotional maturity is also defined by our ability to know how to observe the reality of things and know how to act in front of them, even if it hurts, even if it breaks our hearts for a while. The satisfaction of having acted as we should will make us recover sooner than we think.