Toxic Mother-in-law

There is a lot of myth in that that mothers-in-law are nosy, gossipy, controlling, matriarchs (especially the mother of the husband). But it is also true that there are some that are really to be feared. But the problem is not of the mothers, of those toxic mothers-in-law, but of the children who do not know how to stop their interference, something that ends up generating quite a lot of conflicts.

In reality, the great inconvenience is not when the mother-in-law throws the first stone, but when the son does not defend his wife. Attention, which can also happen the other way around with the woman’s mother or even with the parents, although it is true that in the latter case it occurs less frequently.

However, as stated above, a person will do what he is allowed to do. It happens at any age. If you are politely told from the very first episode not to meddle in matters that do not concern you, there is a better chance that this will remain just an anecdote.

How do toxic mothers-in-law act?

When third parties enter a relationship without there being a consensus on the matter, the conflict will be the order of the day. There may be a part of jealousy in the wife, or in the mother-in-law, a dispute for the love of the man, but ultimately, those who end up fighting are the husbands. That is why it is important to know how to allocate time and make some things clear when conflicts arise. A relationship is two. Others may have an opinion, however, between opinion and meddling there is a fine line that separates it. So how far should we let mothers-in-law have a say?

One of the keys is to let them express themselves without thereby conditioning the relationship. In this way, they can say what they want, but the son or daughter can take their words more or less into account. If our relationship is well established and the love is healthy and genuine, what the mothers-in-law say will be more indifferent to us. Sometimes, even if the meddling is too obvious, a conversation with him will not hurt. But what happens if we don’t put the brakes on and let them influence the relationship?

Unpleasant situations

Statistics indicate that this is the case in most cases. Carrying this family burden can lead to other situations and can even show the children’s lack of maturity not to confront their parents, especially those toxic mothers-in-law. This is why having a chat is so important when the mother-in-law’s opinion turns into impertinent intrusion.

From bringing him his favorite food to indicating how to raise children (that is, his grandchildren), to wanting to change things about his daughter-in-law to trying to live in the couple’s house (or spending many hours there), everything is possible. It is then when the marriage has to demonstrate how strong and mature it is and, above all, that it is not influenced by what the “third parties” say.

This does not mean that the mother-in-law is a demon for wanting to help her son and daughter-in-law, because it all depends on how much permission she is granted or to what extent she can express her opinion or get involved in other people’s lives. The real problem begins when the son is not able to recognize the intrusion, suspicion or rejection of the wife. In many cases, he blames his partner for certain comments, he does not know how to defend his partner, he does not confront his mother, etc.

React to toxic mothers-in-law

Let’s take an example. His mother arrives at the couple’s house, opens the refrigerator and notices that there is everything that his son likes, indicates that this food is not healthy for him or that he is going to prepare his favorite dish. The wife comments on the situation to her partner. But, instead of talking to his mother, the man says that he is exaggerating, that he “just wants to help”, that he lets her comment on the subject of food, that he does not do it to annoy, that it is not bad.

Until then it could be a normal situation in a couple. Now, following this example, the same mother-in-law comes home and tells her son that his wife is messy, that she doesn’t know how to cook, that she doesn’t “take care” of him properly.

What is the attitude I should (idyllically) take? Defending his partner, asking his mother not to interfere, who is old enough to take care of himself. And if he dont do it? So something is wrong. The excuse of not hurting feelings does not count, it is vital to take charge of your dependency. They are complex situations. The fact that the wife is in a way that the mother-in-law does not like is not a reason to meddle in the relationship. If your child is happy, it is the important thing.

Speaking the people understand

If you want to keep your partner out of this problem, the ideal is to speak without the presence of the mother-in-law. Make it clear that there is a precedent and that this can go further. Analyze your husband’s reaction to find out what to expect and how to react if the intrusion increases. But under no point of view, make the mother-child relationship break, much less in front of her. Because there, a war can break out.

The ideal would be to achieve a balance in the relationship of that triangle son-partner-mother-in-law. Knowing how to define the role of each one and what can be a constructive opinion does not turn into an unhealthy criticism. Many mothers may be jealous of daughters-in-law, and many daughters-in-law jealous of mothers. In this case, it is essential to see that both a mother and daughter-in-law are part of the couple’s life and are important, different loves, but loves.