How Can We Increase The Positive Exchange In The Couple?
Why do we have the habit of saying things that annoy us but not the good things? Have you never considered it? I am not just referring to relationships as a couple, but to our social interactions in general. If we do not like something, we do not take long to communicate it to the other party. Why not increase the positive exchange in the couple?
The point is that we assume that the other person knows what we like about them. But it may not be so. And even if it is, who doesn’t like others saying good things about ourselves? When someone tells us something like that, we automatically feel better … Why not encourage this type of communication in the couple? Usually it is forced on us because we are not used to it… Read on and learn how to do it!
Why is it necessary to promote positive exchange in the couple?
As we have already said, pointing out what we like about our partner will foster positive affection in the relationship. That is, it is a simple exercise that will make us feel better. In fact, we usually always do this when a bond of this type begins, right? So… why did we stop doing it?
As time goes by, we stop saying those things because we think they are obvious and that the other person already knows. But not only that, it reveals much more what bothers us and conflicts begin. If you stop to think for a second, when a relationship begins, the good is always said and never the bad. However, as the months and years go by, the former decreases until it practically disappears and the latter increases.
In fact, negative interactions are so high that the relationship can become conflictive. In this case, we only look at the mistakes and behaviors that we dislike in the other person. Then we let them know, usually in bad ways … You can imagine the vicious circle we enter and feed with this attitude, right? In this way it is easier for the relationship to fail.
How can we increase the positive exchange in the couple?
To get a little out of that dynamic of things that annoy us and arguments, and thus avoid the breakup, it is important to try to encourage positive exchange in the couple. It is normal that at the beginning this type of communication is a bit forced, but we think that even if it costs us at the beginning, in the end we will end up getting it to settle in our natural form of communication.
When we get down to work, the first thing to do is, each one on their own, record the pleasant and positive behaviors that we find in our partner on a daily basis.
These can be verbal, such as: “You must be very tired after working all day.” They can also be affective in nature. An example of this would be smiling when your partner comes home. Finally, they can be behaviors that make life more pleasant for the other person, such as preparing food. At first, it is appropriate to write down all the actions that our partner does that we find pleasant.
As time goes by, we will record only the one that has surprised us the most. What do we gain by writing these things down? Well, we become aware of what we like about our partner that we generally overlook. Now we must go a little further, the last step remains … Let the other person know that we like what they are doing! This is the positive exchange in the couple.
How? When we realize that he is doing something positive, we must give the other person signals, such as a caress, a kiss, a smile, etc. If you realize it, this “key” of love is also one of the pleasant behaviors that we are trying to highlight. So we are going to promote a circle of behaviors that we like instead of that negative circle that we pointed out earlier.
Images courtesy of Tord Sollie, Freestocks.org, and Toa Heftiba.
