Make A Contract To Keep The Love Affair?

It is very romantic to  talk about your partner in terms of sweet words and fiery details of affection. It is one of the most beautiful aspects of these types of relationships, but over time they tend to occupy increasingly smaller ground in that world of two.

When the couple is faced with the ordinary of everyday life, there are many expectations that are readjusted. Although love is still alive, everyday life is full of small difficulties  that must be solved. If this is not done, the problems begin.

Living together strengthens the bond, but at the same time  gives rise to situations that can deteriorate it. In short, the two members of the couple have different pasts, different customs and different ways of acting. Coupling and adjusting the two ways of life is not always so easy.

At the same time, as the days, weeks and years go by, love also changes. There are times when it seems that it is no longer there. Crises appear and with them the question of whether it is really worth moving forward. The couple is always built on an implicit contract, but is it good to make it explicit to protect the bond from those wear and tear and those crises ?

The implicit contract in the couple relationship

Every couple needs agreements  to live together. The most common is that these occur spontaneously and in no particular order. As the different situations arise, partial agreements are formulated and each one decides in practice whether or not to comply with them.

Most agreements are given implicitly. However, these agreements are not always fair or reasonable. Many times one of the two gives in, without conviction, to the demands or negligence of the other, simply because he does not want a conflict or considers it a lost fight. That does not mean that you are comfortable with the situation.

Coexistence always brings tensions with it. However, this becomes critical when one or both of you are reluctant to fulfill your role. Not only in those small daily tasks or tasks, but also in deeper aspects such as fidelity, attention and consideration to the other, or availability.

Also implicitly, in many areas the pacts are broken. Then it is argued that these did not exist, or that they were not sufficiently understood. The implicit is not the best option for making deals.

Explicit agreements

Some couples have been proposing to change these implicit rules of the game for others that are expressed through a contract. Those pacts go much further than agreeing who takes the dog out for a walk, or who gets to clean the bathroom on weekends. They cover topics such as what sanctions are to be applied in case of infidelity, or what kind of compensation will be charged when there are gestures of emotional abandonment.

The newspaper The New York Times recently published the testimony of a couple who built all normative volume, ie a contract containing a set of rules to guide them. It ranges from division of times and tasks, to topics related to money and rules to apply in case of illness, guests to the house and dialogues on thorny topics. The couple who give their testimony say that the result has been spectacular.

Would it be worthwhile for each couple to draw up a contract that reflects their own code of conduct, as a regulation, to ensure greater harmony and care for the bond? Is it a way of reducing spontaneity, or a realistic way to face the fact that love also involves decisions and will?

The discredited middle ground

Perhaps in a society like North America this type of couple regulations are a completely viable option. In Latino cultures, however, such an agreement may not be readily accepted. However, it cannot be denied that it could be valid.

Definitely coexistence, with whoever it is, is much more harmonious when the rules of the game are clear for all parties and are freely followed. This avoids unnecessary conflicts and opts for a civilized way of dealing with obligations and duties. In that sense, surely some accepted and fulfilled pacts help the couple to flow and, of course, preserve the good coexistence.

Despite this, in love as a couple much more is at stake than an organizational agreement. There are a multitude of feelings, emotions and expectations that you are never fully aware of, but that at the same time mark various aspects of the relationship. The love between a man and a woman will never be reducible to a catalog. In all human relationships, there will always be a terrain that is marked by uncertainty and beyond control.