Why Positive Thinking Doesn’t Always Work?

Many have realized that thinking positive does not always work and that a hopeful attitude does not guarantee that what we expect will happen. Perhaps, experts say, we have entered a period where we embrace a kind of “gentle pessimism” that helps us understand that sometimes life is not going our way.

Now, that this is so is not necessarily bad. The mind has long been getting used to that extreme polarity that makes us label things “good” or “bad.” It may be time to understand that in addition to black and white there is also gray and that in this tonality, there is still a thread of light, the one that separates us from total darkness.

Thinking positive has been for many decades a recurring advice and that life raft that we had to cling to in troubled times. Because injecting optimism into the brain, they said, prevents us from falling into defeatism and helplessness.

However, we have reached a present and a context in which uncertainty is a constant and fears, colleagues who have settled in the attic of our mind.

Possibly, that day has come when it is necessary to internalize another perspective, one in which, without banishing positivity and hope, allows us to navigate more effectively between current challenges.

Why positive thinking doesn’t always work

Positive thinking has staunch defenders and staunch opponents. There is no middle ground. To the psychological approach popularized by figures such as Martin Seligman or Mihály Csíkszentmihályi in the 90s, critical voices are added such as those of the psychologist Julie K. Norem, a professor of Psychology at the University of Wellesley (USA) and who has been for more than twenty years, warning us of something very specific.

In his 2001 book, The Positive Power of Negative Thinking,  he indicates that a somewhat childish vision of what positivity is has been established in our culture. The lessons provided by Seligman have been reduced to the point of making it a fad, the one in which to assume that everything is fixed by seeing the bright side of life.

Let’s be clear: there are times when we cannot see the bright side of life. And that this happens is not only understandable, it is to be expected. As Viktor Frankl pointed out, when faced with unusual situations, it is normal to react in an unusual way. Therefore, we must understand that thinking positive does not always work for many different reasons. Let’s analyze them.

Thinking positive can make us not know how to face negative outcomes

Repeating over and over again that “everything will be fine” can be counterproductive. This successful outcome-oriented approach that ignores other possibilities is dangerous. In this way, in case things do not go as well as we hope, it can catch us emotionally and psychologically unprepared.

The best thing to do in these situations is to apply a realistic approach : “ I hope things go well, but if they don’t, I will face any result. I will accept it and apply adequate coping strategies “.

Positive thinking can cause us to adopt a passive attitude

Julie K. Norem explains to us in her book that it is advisable to adopt a somewhat pessimistic perspective on our reality. It is about shuffling all the possibilities and telling us that “ what I want and hope can happen, but there are also chances that things will go wrong. What should I do then in these circumstances?

• You have to perform at your best and work hard to prevent these negative results from occurring. If I trust myself and assume that everything will work out, I adopt a passive attitude and that can be dangerous.

When we have anxiety and stress, thinking positive does not always work

The anxious mind has the peculiarity of not being able to see the nice side of life. Thinking positive doesn’t always work when we’re feeling worried, stressed, and emotionally on edge. They are those situations in which no matter how much they repeat to us that “cheer up, everything is going to be fine” neither works, nor helps, nor does we believe it.

In this context, approaches such as that offered by acceptance and commitment therapy are interesting. Specifically, it helps us, for example, to understand that life is not easy, that it is permissible to fall, to be fallible, to feel hopeless at times. However, we cannot lose our commitment to ourselves so as not to let ourselves fall, to serve ourselves.

Extremes are never good: neither naive positivism nor chronic pessimism

Thinking positive doesn’t always work because life is unpredictable. Also because we become bad managers of adversity, frustration, fear and suffering.

Life is a kaleidoscope of experiences and sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, and sometimes just normal. You have to learn to navigate all those oceans both on calm days and on stormy nights.

Does this mean that it is better to be pessimistic? Not at all, nor is it advisable to adopt a naive and confident positivity, the kind that tells us that it is enough to want something a lot for it to happen. We live in a complex present and we have already realized that this formula does not work. Extremes are never good.

We must be realistic, we must train ourselves in handling everyday challenges and learn to tolerate the unpredictable and even the painful. However, this does not mean that we must continue to nurture hope. Doing so is an existential necessity.

Trusting that better times will come and that we will learn to handle difficulties is always the best strategy.