Live How You Want, Not How You Should

Have you ever felt that your life does not belong to you? Have you ever wondered how you ended up in a relationship that does not fulfill you? How is it possible that every day you get up and invest so many hours in a job that makes you deeply unhappy? You have followed all the rules, you have done everything well, and yet bitterness and dissatisfaction are your traveling companions. If you want to achieve fulfillment, you will have to arm yourself with courage, because there is only one possible way: live as you want, not as you should.

Freedom is the main component of happiness, but it takes courage to be free. Achieving it would imply daring not to please others, risking listening to criticism, going against the tide. And all this assuming that you have been able to discover your true desires and motivations. Well, in the midst of the daily tumult, the noise of other people’s opinions, it is really difficult to listen to our inner voice.

The “should” trap

During childhood innocence, spontaneity and lack of prejudice are our most distinctive traits. But sooner rather than later, we begin to realize that there are certain demands, certain social mandates that we must fulfill in order to be accepted. Our parents, teachers, classmates, and society in general, shape our behavior based on reinforcement or punishment.

Thus, when we are obedient, funny, or get good grades, we get praise and admiration. Meanwhile, when we express anger or nonconformity, we receive disapproval from our environment. We then begin to try to please others, to try to adjust to what is expected of us at all times. Little by little we are silencing our essence to become the product of other people’s expectations.

As adults we feel the pressure of having a well-paying job, an intense social life and a relationship with a partner. And, although on many occasions this reality does not satisfy us, the weight of the ought prevents us from changing course. We often look with admiration and amazement at those who seem to have achieved happiness with a life much less “adequate than ours.”

And this is actually the key to everything. These people are happy precisely because they do not try to conform to rigid social norms and impositions. When you decide to listen to yourself and govern yourself, you achieve incomparable freedom. Therefore, live as you want.

What makes you happy?

It is this need to adapt, to be approved and valued by others that leads us to make and maintain decisions that are totally misaligned with our true self. Many times we wonder how it is possible that we do not love our partner if they are intelligent, attentive and detailed. Or how can we abhor a job that gives us the status that any of our acquaintances would like.

It is not necessary to rationalize such a clear and sharp feeling. You are not under the obligation to enjoy obtaining an achievement that, from the beginning, was not born of you. Maybe you long to share your life with a fun and adventurous person, or maybe you don’t want to commit. Maybe your dream is to travel the world, work as a freelancer, have a pastry shop or paint pictures. Despite the fact that these activities bring you less economic benefit and are less valued by society.

Live how you want

It is important that you banish from your mind the need to fit in, to please, to fulfill. It is vital that we begin to approve and value ourselves, that we understand that we only owe fidelity to our principles and desires. Each one is the protagonist of his own life, and the only one who will bear the consequences of his decisions. Why decide, then, based on what a third party thinks is appropriate? If in the end only you will have to live the life you have built.

So ask yourself what it is you want. Silence for a moment your fears, and the unconscious programs that lead you to feel that you need to “be adequate.” If nobody had an opinion about you, if you didn’t have pressing money problems, what would you do? What would you be passionate about doing with your life?

It is evident that you will not always be able to fulfill all these wishes in their entirety, since we will always have certain obligations. However, this exercise will provide you with an important starting point. Live as you want, you owe it to yourself.