The Psychological Space, The Heart Of Resilience

The psychological space is a waiting room, a mental palace where we can go to reflect, heal ourselves and take new perspectives. It is that turning point through which we all must go after experiencing a failure, a disappointment, a mistake. Thus, allowing ourselves adequate time of introspection is more than adequate to lay the foundations for resilience and then move forward with greater security.

Carl Jung said in his day that those who do not learn anything from the unpleasant facts of their lives, force the cosmic consciousness to reproduce them as many times as necessary to learn. Although it is true that at the moment we cannot demonstrate that this “cosmic force” exists or not, what we do know is that we are that curious species that stumbles over the same stone over and over again.

If we do, it is precisely because we do not give ourselves a psychological space. We do not know or we do not allow ourselves that much necessary time to process and integrate certain personal experiences. Life tends to fragment from time to time and we, far from repairing those cracks or putting those loose pieces back together, we let them pass. Little by little we become disconnected more and more from those internal needs until suddenly frustration and unhappiness weigh too much.

Abraham Maslow, one of the most relevant psychologists in the field of personal growth, used to say that in our day to day we basically have two options. The first is to live under the cover of fear and defense mechanisms. The second is to opt for growth. Choosing one path or another is something that we must decide from our psychological space.

What is and what is in the psychological space

The psychological space is not a physical place, it is a mental corner. It is that time that we give ourselves to process failures, mistakes or disappointments and understand what we can learn or make clear from those experiences. It also implies being able to shape a series of dimensions with which to enable our psychological healing room to be highly effective.

These are the inhabitants that make up any good psychological space:

Self pity

Self-compassion is the ability to receive and accept ourselves without punishing or despising ourselves for certain events that have occurred.  Thus, studies such as the one carried out at the University of Tennessee, for example, reveal that developing this capacity is key to gaining emotional well-being. However, the more stress we experience, the more we forget this positive attitude towards ourselves.

All psychological space, therefore, requires this special nutrient, where we can embrace without judgment or sanctions.

Negative dialogue is prohibited

In any growth-oriented psychological space, there is an element that cannot be accommodated: negative dialogue. That rumor where our thoughts oscillate only in reproach, doom, impediment, lack and fear, acts little by little with the force of a cyclone. Everything is devastated and everything is taken away.

If we really want to obtain valid learning from failure, negative dialogue will be of no use to us. We must apply an objective and forward-looking approach. Thus, there are certain questions that could help us, such as:  what conclusions can I draw from what happened? What should I do so that tomorrow I can face this with better resources and with success?

A focus on the present

The laws of physics tell us (for now) that we cannot be in two places at the same time. It is useless to be focused on the past and on a future about which we still do not know anything. If we really want to overcome these complex circumstances of the day, only one approach is valid: one centered on the present.

Reflect, analyze, reel off, accept, decide, plan, design an answer … All these answers will be more valid than looking at our rear-view mirror.

Resilient attitude

In our psychological space there must be a basic material, a type of alloy with which to coat every fragment, every corner, every detail. We talk, of course, about resilience.

That ability to learn from what has been lived and face tomorrow with greater integrity, wisdom and strength is a key aspect in any inner healing process. It is also that masterpiece that attacks personal growth and that adjusts our glasses so that the gaze clearly sees which path is better to take from now on.

To conclude, there is one aspect that is worth taking into account. A figure like Stephen Sideroff, writer, researcher and professor of psychiatry at the University of Los Angeles, points out in one of his articles that we are currently experiencing what many define as a biological imbalance, something we must learn to work on.

This term refers to a very specific fact: when we experience stress, anguish, fear or worry, our body is programmed to generate two types of responses: fight or flee from danger.

As we well know, these two behaviors do not always have a place in our world today. We are therefore obliged to generate more suitable and also more creative responses. Therefore, it is not worth escaping, turning your face to the problem or fighting against enemies, which, as we well know, in many cases are not even physical. Most of our threats are mental.

More valid strategies must be shaped, all of which pass through a very specific place: our psychological space. That corner of free access that we often neglect. There where to find shelter whenever we need it to integrate experiences, heal, repair and make valuable decisions.