To Love Again After A Betrayal

How to rebuild a relationship after feeling violated or betrayed? How to write a new beginning with the one who is not really our new partner? Is it possible to love again after a betrayal?

We will try to answer these questions and understand along the way why some of us can find it difficult to love again after disloyalty. To begin we will talk about the meaning of loving again, later we will conceptualize betrayal.

To love again, what does it mean?

It is complex to define that of loving again because each of us uses a particular definition of love. Let’s start from the meaning that the Royal Spanish Academy gives us about this word, to love is ‘to have love for someone or something’ and love ‘a feeling of affection, inclination or dedication towards someone or something’.

To love again would mean, then, to have that feeling again. A complicated task when one of the pillars of this love has been violated: trust or respect. A betrayal that, to a large extent, invites us to get away from the person who hurt us.

Treason, what is it?

According to the Royal Academy of the Spanish language, treason means ‘a fault that is committed by breaking the fidelity or loyalty that must be kept or have’. Now, betrayal also has individual connotations.

On the other hand, sometimes we enter into conflict because we have never discussed the issue in our relationship and we believe that the drawer in which the actions that exemplify a betrayal are collected is shared. So, we can feel betrayed because what the other has done is a betrayal in the taxonomic system of the two or because it is only in ours.

In one way or another, betrayal generates feelings, thoughts and behaviors, which can be unpleasant for us. Various psychological investigations have focused on it. For example, Aquino and his collaborators, in their research show us how betrayal can trigger negative emotions, increasing the predisposition to judge the negative emotions of others.

To love again after a betrayal

Due to the great burden that betrayal can cause us, we can come to think that it is not possible to love again. But it is, although it may not be an easy path. We show you how:

Look from another perspective

Let us remember that love can be transformed. To achieve this implies that we build a new one, for this, we do not necessarily need another person. We can rebuild it with the person who betrayed us, but for this we must be aware of what our limits are and those of the other, establishing an agreement that includes respect for them.

A different way of perspective is also looking at ourselves. Why be focused on others only? When we become dependent on the other we blur, we can take the opportunity to explore ourselves and look for what we really want. Thus, it will be easier to make an assertive decision, a healthier one.

Take new directions

We can love again, and not focus on the one who betrayed us. That is, we can find a new passion that we love, another person to love, love life. Let us remember that there are different ways of loving, and that the feeling goes beyond a single person.

Then, we can take new paths, towards a different love, both by moving away from that being we loved or love and after the betrayal we prefer to move away because it is not nutritious for our lives, and by exploring new paths in the relationship with that loved one.

The forgiveness

To love again, it may be necessary to forgive the one who betrayed us. If what we want is to continue with the person and we are sincere with ourselves and we want to work for it, it is important to let go of the situation by forgiving. It may not happen in a short time, but if we feel that we will not be able to do it and we are going to reproach the other person again and again for what he did, we may not be ready to love again, at least not in a way. healthy.

Also, it is feasible to forgive ourselves. We may fall into the same kind of toxic relationship over and over again, and after giving several chances, we may feel like we are failing. Let our emotions flow, but let’s not make negative valence protagonists; rather, let’s try to love again, but in a healthy way, in one in which love is also towards us and that involves building nurturing relationships.

The others are not guilty of betraying us

Sometimes, we make those who have nothing to do with the betrayal pay for the frustration that those who have caused us. Let us remember that each person is different. So let’s avoid judging without reason and work on ourselves so that others don’t suffer from our lack of assertiveness.

Release

Love also has limits. Let us establish which ones are necessary for us and when we feel that they are violated let go. To love again implies having the space and the will to do so, if we have not detached ourselves from the betrayal or who betrayed us, it will be very difficult to accommodate a new relationship.

Walter Riso, psychologist and writer, advises us in his book  The limits of love, to  think that love does not justify everything. Therefore, we must not put our fundamental needs and interests aside. So letting go helps us to respect those limits, and to get away from the idea of ​​loving again, forcing us to hurt ourselves.

Why not love again in a healthy way? That is, without going against who we are, and respecting our limits, building healthy relationships. Doing so will provide us with greater well-being.

In short, loving again is possible after a betrayal, but we must know what we want and where we want to go. It is necessary to immerse ourselves in ourselves, knowing ourselves, respecting our limits and those of the other, letting go and changing perspective. It all depends on each relationship we establish and the associated thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Let’s be assertive to add more steps to our well-being.