Effects On Adulthood Of Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

The effects in adulthood of growing up with a narcissistic parent are relevant. No one comes out of those years of living with such a damaging personality on multiple levels completely unscathed. Manipulation, self-centeredness, obsession with obedience and perfection, complete disinterest in the needs of children …

Some say that growing up with a narcissistic father or mother is like being subject to the leader of a cult. They are figures with great power to psychologically nullify others. They are adept at emotionally draining those around them. They stand as experts in making us believe that our dreams, hobbies and goals are completely useless.

The poet TS Eliot used to say that half the damage done in this world comes from those people who want to be important. When we suffer this dynamic in childhood and adolescence on the part of our parents, it is common to continue to suffer its impact further.

These are the adult effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent

At 8, 9 or 10 years old, we are already beginning to imagine a life as adults. Beyond the own idealistic fantasies of the age, it is common to imagine ourselves in a very concrete way: being happy and dedicating ourselves to what we like the most. However, growing up with a narcissistic parent, it is very difficult to become the person we want to be.

There is an excess of unhealed emotional trauma and neglected psychological areas. The mental submission to which one is subjected becomes an insurmountable obstacle to build the foundations of good self-esteem, a fundamental pillar for emotional management. These deficiencies act as burdens for the correct psychosocial development and self-confidence, basic elements to conquer dreams and desires.

Also, according to a study by the University of Bahauddin Zakariya, it is very common for the narcissistic profile to appear in the father.

Now,  what effect can these experiences have in adulthood? We analyze it.

You live dominated by paralyzing emotions

What are paralyzing emotions? They are those that do not let you be yourself, that limit your decision-making capacity, self-care and that turn off your potential. Thus, one of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is living with constant indecision and insecurity. It’s hard for you to solve problems, decide for yourself, attend to your needs …

At the same time, a corrosive feeling of guilt persists. Guilt for not having reacted before to everything suffered in childhood and adolescence, guilt for not being able to be as we really want.

Gaslighting effects or abuse that completely nullified you

Growing up with a narcissistic parent means suffering the brunt of gaslighting almost every day. I mean, that parent managed to make us believe that we were fallible in almost anything. He convinced us that we had little to offer the world and that each of our dreams and hobbies were little more than nonsense.

He criticized our friends and underestimated every merit achieved. Every blow given to self-esteem is still present and we still continue to doubt our potential. This can cause us to end up suffering what is known as imposter syndrome.

Echoistic personality, what I need doesn’t matter

The ecoist personality prefers to exist, but without being too noticeable. He knows very well what it is to live with someone selfish and, therefore, he seeks to be the opposite, to the point of becoming pathological. That is, completely neglecting their needs, putting aside their opinions and desires to turn to the exclusive attention of others.

One of the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent is becoming an adult who prefers to live in the shadow of others. They don’t want to be a burden. They do not want to bother, worry anyone … In fact, when asked about their preferences, tastes or desires, they are unable to answer.

Ambivalent insecure attachment

Ambivalent insecure attachment is permeated with fears and needs. The person who grew up with a narcissistic parent yearns to be loved, yet fears being hurt again and is therefore suspicious. This creates a series of contradictory dynamics in affective matters that lead to failure in relationships.

The somatized anger, the pain that longs to emerge

Indeed, another recurring factor among those who have had to grow up with a narcissistic parent is somatization . All the accumulation of negative valence emotions suffered in the past and not handled are still there, especially anger. That emotion experienced in the face of every slight, manipulation, belittling and psychological abuse leaves its mark. Something like this often translates into multiple physical ailments.

To conclude, there are many consequences and consequences that can remain with us as a result of these experiences. Now, beyond what has been suffered, the most important thing is to deal with all these realities. Psychological therapy can allow us to overcome those internal wounds and shape a much better present and future.