Do Not Feel Obliged To Fulfill Your Personality, You Are Free To Change

” It’s just that I’ve always been very shy “, ” I’m very impulsive, I can’t help it ” or “It’s hard for me to refuse when someone asks me for a favor “. Have you ever used statements similar to the above to refer to yourself? Surely yes, and it is that human beings play with our definition over and over again. However, at certain times, being extreme defending a security can put us in very complicated situations. In this sense, do not feel obliged to comply with your personality.

Much has been made of the effect of labeling children and how it influences their character development. In this sense, marking an infant as mean or fearful will increase the chances that he or she will actually behave that way. Extending it over time, the labels that we impose on ourselves, as adults, have a similar effect. What if you stopped limiting yourself?

Are you used to fulfilling your personality out of inertia?

There are many moments when we fulfill our personality out of sheer inertia. We simply do not stop to think that we have the option to act in a different way than we have been maintaining for years.

This is what happens, for example, when we decline an invitation to a party because we consider that we are not good at making friends. Or when we raise our voices and lose our bearings in an argument with a loved one because we are convinced that we have a very strong character.

Obviously, these beliefs about ourselves are not random. Throughout our lives, we will have experienced situations that have led us to confirm that we are not very sociable or very temperamental. However, we are not required to “marry” those definitions. We are free to change and even more so when these character traits harm our day to day.

Do not hide behind the ” I am like this ” to continue perpetrating attitudes that harm you or those around you. Stop defining yourself and being faithful to your old definitions and dare to try something new. It can be expensive, but change is possible.

You have the right to change

On the other hand, you may find yourself in a situation where you are fully aware that sticking with your personality is hurting you and you want to stop. Not necessarily the traits you want to change are negative, perhaps it is positive qualities that are being misfocused.

For example, you may have always been an extremely caring and helpful person; someone who is always available to others and is generous and understanding.

Perhaps you have become aware that always being available to others wears you down emotionally. Or maybe you want to stop prioritizing others over your own needs; but you simply don’t feel capable of doing it because these traits are part of your identity. 

When we have been thinking, feeling and acting in a certain way for a long time, it is difficult for us to detach ourselves from these attitudes. We tend to believe that they are an inherent part of us, but the reality is that every day we have the opportunity to choose how to act.

You are not obliged to always remain available to others, to always say “yes.” If you have realized that something is not right, you have the right to change it. You don’t have to continue being the helpful and accommodating person who left self-care at the bottom of the priority scale, or the one who accepted mistreatment to avoid conflict. You are not required to comply with your personality.

Your personality is a daily choice

In short, take a moment to review what you think of yourself, to discover those labels that you imposed on yourself years ago and that you have been rigorously complying. They please you? Do they benefit you? If not, forget about them, redesign yourself, work on your new version. Do not limit yourself with words and adjectives, what really define you are your actions and these you can choose at any time.

Also, remember to do this review exercise periodically and don’t be afraid to change your mind. Perhaps what you were is no longer what you are, or what you want to be. It is not inconsistency, it is personal growth. You are not obliged to comply with your personality, feel free to change.