How To Overcome Approval Seeking Addiction

What’s wrong with wanting to please others? In principle, wanting to please others is not a bad thing, quite the opposite. Another very different thing is to need the approval of others for everything while we commit ourselves.

Seeking approval from others is only a real problem when you feel that approval is what keeps you going.  In the first place, because those who need the support of others are dependent on them, which causes them to lose self-esteem and self-confidence.

Another problem with constantly seeking approval is that it leaves you vulnerable to being manipulated by others. When others discover that you are eager to please them, they settle in, because they know that everything will go well, since you will be in charge of doing the things to achieve it.

Over time , people who constantly seek approval from others enter a vicious cycle that is difficult to break out of. Not only because you get used to having your decisions validated, but because others pressure you and act knowing that you depend on their opinion. The following tips will be very useful to overcome that addiction, gain confidence and security and start making your own decisions.

1 – Say what you think

It is not easy to say what you think. Although there are times when you have to be cautious, there are other times when you have to say what you really think. But you have to practice. Start by talking to yourself, acknowledging those thoughts, acknowledging that you have an opinion, even if it is not the one that others like the most.

Practice speaking your mind without offending, but respecting yourself, your ideology, and your personal aspirations. Don’t let the desire to please force you to think of others before yourself to the point of thinking against your interests.

You can please others without betraying yourself. If you don’t think and don’t say what you think, others have all the power over you …

2 – please yourself

Constantly seeking the approval of others means constantly worrying that others are forming a bad opinion of us. That makes you feel vulnerable and a victim of whether other people are happy with you or not. This kills the fun, creativity, goodness, and spontaneity of life.

From time to time you also have to remember yourself, to please yourself, to feel proud of yourself, even if not everyone approves of your wishes and aspirations. This is not being selfish, quite the opposite. A person who is satisfied with himself and who feels good is much more useful to others, because he is happier and has more desire to live and be useful to others.

3 – Remember that whatever you do you will always disappoint someone

Seeking approval is usually an attempt to try to win and maintain a sense of control. If we can make people “happy” by being what we imagine they want us to be, then we will not be rejected or abandoned.

But you cannot control the thinking of others nor can you please everyone. Whatever you do, there will always be someone who disapproves or does not understand your decision. Nobody is a green bill that everyone likes and, even so, there will always be those who prefer it blue or yellow.

4 – Focus on what is right and be yourself

The group mentality can force us to do what we are supposed to do, but that is not always the right thing to do. In order not to go against the current, many choose to satisfy the herd, even if what they do seems wrong or they do not understand.

That makes you enter a dynamic in which you alienate yourself with others, you lose your personality and your ability to make decisions. Get away from it, focus on what you consider correct, analyze the philosophy and goals and be yourself. If you don’t like that, you don’t like them, why do you want to please them? What does being part of such a circle give you?

5 – Do not assume that others label you at one extreme or the other

People who are so preoccupied with the approval of others that they take it for granted that they label them at one extreme or the other. However, most people do not make decisions or judge others so easily simply because they do not approve or understand their way of doing or because they do not join the group’s ways.

Even when people force you to have their opinion, doing what you see fit does not make it label you negatively or make you lose the affection of others. Contrary to what it may seem, being yourself is the best way to earn the respect of others.