Jealousy Is Not Born From What We See, But From What We Imagine
Few people define themselves as jealous, much less than they really are. The lack of this recognition stems from the social undesirability that receives this attribute as part of our character. Thus, in the collective unconscious a clear idea seems to gravitate: jealousy does not bring anything good for anyone, neither for the person who has it nor for the person to whom it is lavished.
On the other hand, jealousy is inevitably linked to the concept of property. Not surprisingly, the fear of losing something only appears when there is a possession or the hope of such possession. However, if we stayed here – as logical as it may sound – we would have a very reduced vision of this feeling and as such of its motivating power.
Jealous people
Although jealousy is not only treasured by mediocre people, it happens that most of the people who cultivate it think that they are. This perception leads them to ask themselves questions with which they stab themselves over and over again, “Why is he with me if I don’t deserve someone so good?”, “How long will it take to pass that hallucination called love?”
Questions that hide a feeling of insignificance that is very bitter for those who ask them, because they contain a resistance to surrender, to truly love. This resistance is consistent with the doubts: “Why am I going to give myself up in a relationship that will end up breaking up?”
With this we do not want to justify the jealous, but we do propose that it is not an isolated aspect of his character but that it is connected with the rest of the pieces of the puzzle that make up his personality. Thus, analyzing jealousy or a jealous person in isolation is analyzing the wound, omitting the causes that produced it or that keep it open.
On the other hand, we also want to highlight something if we want to help you. A jealous person really has a hard time. He really is afraid, it is not a feigned fear, as much as the rest of the world thinks it is unfounded. Even rationally the jealous person can have moments of lucidity and understand that their feelings and behaviors are absurd. Something that will not make you feel better and will even add to how insignificant you feel.
In this way, the circle that feeds itself and produces the escalation is closed.
Jealousy is born of what we imagine
Sometimes it seems that we like to have a hard time. We trust our partner, but if we see his phone lost around the house and he has left, it may be tempting to go over and look. It is not a suspicion, but a check like the one we do when we turn around when we leave the house in search of a light that has been left on.
So we see in a message “a hug”, a “have a good time”. The words of someone we did not know. A “kiss” (But…. A kiss, “how, when, where?”). An affectionate thank you and the questions and the uneasiness begin. We have come to a difficult crossroads. On the one hand we know that we cannot confess that we have entered his phone.
“Honey, I’ve been fiddling with your phone to check that I have no reason to be jealous.”
Does anyone say this?
Well yes, people who believe they have every right to do so and who feel that right recognized by the other. It is very common, for example, that after an infidelity the unfaithful person allows these behaviors of the other. He understands that it is a way to give assurance to the other that it will not happen again and he grants this espionage as a price for continuing with the relationship. That is, between the two of them they place a bomb that will end up exploding.
Returning to our spy, who thinks that before “dead to confess”, and therefore is going to have to begin to swallow doubts. Doubts that do not have to do with the kiss or the hug, with what he has seen, but with what he imagines that there may be behind. From now on you will no longer go to the phone to check, but to confirm the worst fears. I did not say that it seems that we like to suffer …
The motives of a jealous person
By this we mean that a jealous person will always find reasons to be jealous, because we all have threads in our lives from which a careful mind can invent a story full of clandestine lovers. Stories that most of the time the person who creates them will not share and will swallow like someone who swallows poison. In this tragic way, and also represented in some theatrical comedies, it is easy for her to become a prisoner of her own suspicions.
On the other hand, the line that separates well-founded and unfounded jealousy is quarrelsome. Nobody wants to find out the last that their partner has a “mistress” or a “beloved” because a whole life project may be at stake. Also, on paper it can be very easy to say that if the relationship has to end, it will end anyway, whether or not there is a third person. But, as we said at the beginning, this is overly intellectualizing a feeling that is more complex and has a more powerful force.
So, if someone expected an easy conclusion to this article, I’m afraid they will be disappointed. Jealousy and the behaviors from which they are born and who maintain them are a personal decision; Of course, it is good that each one is aware of where he introduces his thoughts and emotions when he undertakes certain behaviors. In either case, think that jealousy has more to do with what we imagine than with the information we actually have.
