Never Regret Being A Good Person
Do not regret being a good person. How many times have you thought that being a good person is not worth it? That something always happens against you. That good gestures are not always accompanied by recognition. And not only of recognition … but on so many occasions you will have realized that your gestures have not been, if you want, perceived by the other.
When our gesture of kindness is not perceived by the environment, frustration and helplessness often take shape in our body and in our feelings. Especially when this happens in a sustained way over time and with the people we love the most. However, people who like to care and make others feel good should not stop this instinct of “love” and care for the other just because it is not perceived by others.
The “fair world theory” makes explicit a cognitive bias that we all use in one way or another to process information. Many times we hope to receive what we give to others. As if it were an exact mathematical operation. We feed the thought that we will always get what we deserve when we don’t. I wish this world were a fair ecosystem, with clear laws beforehand that would tell us what to abide by. However, this is not the case.
The difficulty of being a good person in a world that is not fair
The world is not like that. The world surprises with its balance of forces and the scale of priorities of its inhabitants. Inhabitants who on many occasions put personal interest above “justice” or who display a special sensitivity for the errors and rudeness of others. Inhabitants who often punish (consciously or unconsciously) the goodness of others, when they do not venerate gestures that are born of evil or hatred.
In fact, we tend to think that good people will be rewarded and bad people will be punished. There is no such law in life. Life surprises us with its chance and its randomness. This erroneous idea generates many expectations far from reality. It is as if we take for granted what is going to happen to us.
Life is not fair in this regard. There are good people suffering and bad people emerging victorious in a world that is sometimes confusing. However, this does not imply that goodness is something meaningless, not valued, not valuable or not recognized. It is something devilishly necessary that gives a different quality to relationships.
Kindness always comes back to oneself
Good people bring light and shine to relationships. Never regret being kind just because many times you don’t feel like your kindness is perceived and appreciated by others. There are always people who will value your gestures. Thus, the most important thing, as you can imagine, is not that others recognize who we are, but that you feel comfortable with your own way of loving life and others.
To be a good person is to collect the arrows that we shoot into the world with our delicate bow. The arrows we shoot always revert to us states of peace and calm. To the extent that what we do is pure and without an interest of recognition on the part of others, we will be able to feel good about our goodness and we will not regret it. Think that it has the power to comfort us even in the deepest part of our being.
When what I do is because I am born this way, I am being fair with myself and with the other. However, if we want to get something from the other, we can always ask for it. You may recognize yourself in this example: There are people who to obtain affection and attention from their partners are very detailed with them. And when their partners do not return the gesture, they get angry and blame the other for not being detail-oriented.
Sometimes we disguise the manipulation of an inordinate kindness
Manipulation is often masquerading as tender kindness and leads to misunderstandings, arguments, and a waste of energy that could end with a simple honest statement of intent.
If I want the other to be detailed, I can ask him to do so, but I will have to accept that if he begins to be, it may be forced and not natural. You want that?
Perhaps it is better for our mental health to accept that the other, most likely, is not going to show their appreciation in exactly the way or in the time that we would like. Being a good person from that purity that implies that we do not mind receiving something “equal” of value in return is an act of authenticity that we must not lose.
If you are doing it to get something in return, be honest with yourself and really think about how to act more genuinely without resorting to those little manipulations that end up causing so much damage in yourself and in the other. Also … never regret being a good person. Kindness always comes back in the form of peace with yourself.
