The Wounds Of Hyper-romanticism

Who has not ever wanted to feel like a princess? Who has not felt that he bled when a love has left him? Who has not needed that prince charming who never arrives?

The human being has a double-edged sword called fantasy. Thanks to fantasy, we have been able to make discoveries, create wonderful stories, songs, etc …

But many times we fall into the error of believing certain imaginary ideas and taking them for granted as if they were totally true and real, when it has never been and never will be.

Fantasy is great for fairy tales, but obviously real life is a long way from resembling a story and we don’t need it to be either.

Love and fantasy

Today, we have a problem with the subject of love. We have believed that finding love as a couple is one of the most important goals of our life because without this love, we can never become happy people.

Society and culture tell us that without our better half, we will be incomplete beings, unfortunate, condemned to unhappiness and loneliness. And the problem is that we have bought these ideas and that is why we suffer so much for love.

Our fear of being alone is so intense, of not having a person by our side who loves us unconditionally, just like we love her, that we fall into certain irrational and harmful behaviors for ourselves and also for our partner.

In the name of love we are capable of abandoning ourselves, of disrespecting ourselves, of carrying out acts that violate our dignity and of losing our individual freedom, our tastes, our dreams …

Where do hyper-romantic ideas come from?

If we start to remember certain movies or certain books, we will realize how lovers were even capable of sacrificing their own life for love, as if it were the only existing source of gratification that we cannot do without.

Since we are very young, we have seen how princesses anxiously waited for Prince Charming to come to rescue them from a somewhat miserable life.

If that prince never came, they would not be able to enjoy life under any circumstances. This gave us the harmful idea of ​​dependence on the other.

In the songs we have another very clear example. Almost all the songs talk about romantic love and say something like: “give me back my life”, “without you I die”, “if you leave I lack air”, etc …

I do not deny that they are beautiful songs that can be enjoyed, but I insist, fantasy must have a limit.

We are neither princes nor princesses and we are not in any story. This is real life and if we want to be happy we must stick to what there is.

Love is nothing more than a set of chemical reactions that one day, like it or not, stop taking place. And this is neither good nor bad, if not normal.

The feelings do not last forever, they are not eternal as the songs say. The figure of love forever, unbreakable and perfect does not exist and if we obey that we must live a story, we will suffer a lot the day a crack arises in our relationship.

By communing with these ideas, we are very likely to fall into emotional dependency, irrational jealousy, and depression the day we are abandoned.

Our mind is telling us that we need someone to be happy. We do not know how to separate desire from need and because of this, two very bad things happen:

• We will suffer a lot of anxiety searching and searching for that someone who has to “get us out of the well”; which will lead us to multiple disappointments and failures, feeling then like unfortunates.
• When we have already found that someone, we will always be very anxious about the possibility of losing them, so we will not be able to enjoy that relationship either.

How should we act then?

It is necessary to become aware that no one needs anyone to be well. Long-lasting, healthy, mature couples don’t tell themselves that they are either together forever or they are a failure.

They like to be together, they want each other, they love each other, but they don’t need each other at all. If things don’t go well tomorrow, life will offer you thousands of more opportunities.

This is true love and this is what we should tell ourselves:

“ I love you but I don’t need you. I want you in freedom, because I like being with you, because we have a good time together.

But not because I need someone by my side, not because I am afraid of loneliness, not because I depend on someone to rescue me from anything. Not because you have to complement me, because I am already a complete being with my defects and virtues.

I love you, but I am the most important person to myself. I will give you many things about me, but I will be careful not to lose myself in that process. If we are happy walking side by side, supporting and helping each other, fine, and if not, that’s fine too.

I want to kiss you every time we wake up and when we go to bed, I want to hug you intensely, I want to build a future by your side, I want to hear an I love you from your lips, I want us to travel together and enjoy life …

I want, I just want it … but I don’t need it at all. “