In the case of commitment, for example, the same is true. Because the situation may be unknown (or too well known) and the stimulus is not openness, but rejection. Irrational fear of something never leads to the right path, because it is based on insecurity or some trauma from the past.

It could be said that people create their own “wellness bubble” that circle where everything is perfect, it is our way, with our tastes, the people we love, and so on. Fear appears at the precise moment when something or someone arrives to jeopardize that comfort zone. This does not mean that the other does it on purpose or consciously, we are the ones who feel “attacked”. When we consider that something is going to destabilize that perfect world, we get defensive and to a certain extent, it is logical. The same thing a mother does with her baby, no matter what race it is.

Those who believe that a relationship is something that takes away our intimacy, freedom, personality, etc. It is understandable that they are afraid or not attracted to commitment (say a formal courtship, living together, getting married). Instead, it is essential to think of love as a state where we also receive and give a lot, from company to well-being, also security, etc. That way, the fear will disappear and it will be easier to include that person in the bubble.

Now that would be the ideal situation and it doesn’t always happen. It is that fear is a very powerful weapon that unbalances even the most organized in the world. It balances the resources that we have and those that we could lose, not what we would gain. That is why it is said that fear is a matter of insecurity, created by different factors and capable of years and years of trauma or bad feelings. Undoubtedly it leads to other experiences, such as frustration, discomfort and depression.

When we do not know how to recognize our own emotional capacities or abilities, we tend to avoid what “sounded the alarm”. Tell yourself, in this case, a possible formal love affair. It could be said that it is a poor adaptation to changes, which should always be taken as something positive. A person who sees himself as weak or fragile will put on a breastplate so that no one can touch him. But the problem is that the threat is oneself and not the rest.

Characteristics of those fearful of compromise

-They cannot make personal decisions, because they are very afraid of change and leaving the safety zone they have created

– They are rigid in their dealings, they want everything to be well controlled, because otherwise, their defense or alarm mechanisms are activated

-They tend to have problems expressing their feelings, they never want to delve into an important topic, about what they feel or think about something or someone, causing a great failure in communication with their environment

– They feel so insecure of themselves that they cannot bear that others are safe, so they often speak badly or have a wrong concept of them, wanting to convince themselves that they are not as wonderful as everyone sees them

-It is likely that they have had some dramatic episode during their childhood or adolescence, such as being a father who abandoned them, the death of a loved one, a very suffocating upbringing on the part of the parents, an overly rigid or permissive education, being left by a previous partner, etc.

– They are very attractive people and great conquerors and, something that is contradictory, they look for a stable partner to feel protected, although later they cannot handle the situation. At a certain point fear takes hold of them and they cannot continue

-They justify their fears or insecurities in different ways, but never by talking about what really happens to them. They do not assume their responsibilities or their feelings, so they will seek to break the relationship to regain the supposed “stability” and thus flee from that change in their bubble.

How do you deal with the fear of commitment?

1- Admit that you have an emotional limitation to work on. Assess the true needs and risk the comfort zone to achieve something more, something better. Having good self-esteem is essential

2-Overcome fear by facing it. A very true phrase from Jiddu Krishnamurtu says “do what you fear and fear will die.” Several strategies can be followed, but the most frequent is not to avoid what causes fear, because running away does not solve the problems

3 -Introduce gradual changes, little by little, to help the mind adapt to them before moving on to the next one, so that it continues to think that it is in control, although with minimal variations. The brain trains like any muscle in the body

4-Strengthen security: valuing and making a positive recognition of capabilities, as well as limitations, which are not bad, but can be learned from them

5-Expressing the feelings, little by little too, and receiving it in a good way by the other party. This reduces tensions and relaxation appears. You may not be able to say it face to face at first, but you can write it down in a notebook or say it in front of the mirror

6- Trust : it is the key to any relationship. If you have had a bad experience in the past, it does not mean that the current one is identical. And always, communication first.