Why Isn’t My Ex Talking To Me?

When we have a breakup (and especially if it is recent), the following question often comes to mind: “Why isn’t my ex talking to me?” Before delving into the possible explanations in relation to this, we must be clear about something: our ex does not talk to us because he does not have to. This does not mean that you do not feel bad or sad (it was your initiative or not to end the relationship).

It also does not mean that he is not going through a grieving process, that he is insensitive or that he has stopped loving us. Simply, you should not be waiting for a contact when the relationship has already ended  (and more so if it has been spoken and the goodbye, the closure has already occurred). Doing so can lead to even more anxiety, feelings of loneliness, and even anger, sadness, and frustration. In addition to stagnating us and preventing us from facing the grieving process.

Given all this, rather than asking ourselves “Why isn’t my ex talking to me?”, We should ask ourselves why someone who has decided not to be part of our life has to talk to us. And if we have also ended the relationship, all the more reason not to wait for that person to contact us (since they will be doing their grieving process as they can, or know how).

Why My Ex Won’t Talk To Me: Possible Reasons

However, if even after all the aforementioned we still want to understand why our ex does not show signs of life, we leave you some of the possible causes that explain it:

Is facing the duel

Whether she left you or you did, one possible cause that answers the question “Why isn’t my ex talking to me?” Is that she is simply facing her grief. That is, he is consistent with his decision to break up (or accepts yours) and tries to make his life.

In this line, it may be that you have decided to apply zero contact to avoid suffering. In a zero contact policy, the person who wants to practice it cuts all or most of the communication channels with the other – in some cases it is not possible to end all of them, as when the couple has a child in common.

Through zero contact, you stop contacting the person and stop hearing from them, which allows you to start accepting the new situation. In these cases, it is best to respect the decision of your ex-partner and not get rid of it, unless you have a firm proposal to return (if you have left it).

Has gotten over the break

Perhaps your ex is in a post-grief stage (specifically in the last stage: acceptance) and therefore has already overcome the breakup.

According to a study conducted by  Univeristy College London and  Binghamton Univeristy, published in the journal ” Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences”, it took us between six months and two years to get over a breakup.

However, it is clear that each person is different. Thus, regardless of how long it has been since you left, if your ex is already making his life and has overcome yours, this could be another cause that explains why he no longer contacts you.

Is meeting someone

Another possible explanation that answers the question of “Why isn’t my ex talking to me?” is that you are meeting someone else. In these cases, the normal thing is that you lose (and do not seek) contact with your ex-partners, since you are starting a new stage in your life.

After all, it is legitimate for him to do so. Imagine that someone comes into your life who gives you back the illusion. In these cases, the normal thing is that you try to close past stages, right?

Is angry or resigned

Another reason that can explain the absence of contact from your ex is that he is angry. The discomfort can have a thousand reasons: because you have left him, because of how things have gone, for the moment you have chosen, etc.

He may also have resigned himself to the situation that you have raised him. Unlike anger, resignation not only leads us to negative situations; In this sense, there are experts who believe that resignation to certain uncontrollable situations helps us to accept a new reality that we cannot change.

What to do if my ex does not talk to me?

There really are no right and wrong guidelines, it all depends on each person and the circumstances. However, here are some questions you can ask yourself to help you reflect and find the answer:

• What phase of the breakup are you in? If they just broke up, the ideal is to keep your distance and respect your ex’s decision to zero contacts. On the other hand, if a time has passed and you gave yourself the opportunity to process and overcome the grief, the situation changes. Well, the emotions will not be on the surface and it will be easier to make the right decisions.

• Have you tried contacting him or her? It is not the most appropriate to lament that the other person ignores us if we have not tried to communicate with them either. Now, if you have made that communication attempt and it has been ignored, then it is best to respect the decision of the other and give them their space.

After analyzing your own situation, you will probably notice that it is understandable that your ex does not want to have contact and therefore you should keep your distance. We know that it is not easy, but with the passage of time you will be able to move on and forget about your ex.

What if you contact me?

On the other hand, if our ex-partner, after the breakup, decides to contact us again with small “scores” (which usually only serve to see if we are still “there”, available and pending of him / her) or tries to maintain a friendship with us, worries, etc., we must be careful. Why? Because often that only serves to feed false hopes in us, since whoever wants to be by our side expresses it directly and firmly, without trial and error, detours or half measures.

As is often said, in love matters better “clear things and thick chocolate.” Another thing (very different) is that you contact us with direct messages, with real interest and with a clear intention to solve things or to try again. What happens when we are fed false hope? That we cannot manage the loss, nor face it … nor start walking alone.